So, my birthday is in a few days. I'm not telling you this so you send me flowers, cards or presents (though don't let me deter you if you were planning on it anyway...). I'm telling you because this is a very significant birthday for me but yet most people don't talk about this age like it's anything super special. You're probably thinking, due to my vibrant and youthful appearance (right?) that I must be turning 21. No? Maybe 25, then? No.
I'm turning 29.
I'm kind of not happy about it either.
It is reallllly weird for me to think of stating my age as anything but "20-" something. I feel like I've been in my 20s for a very long time but also no time at all, if that makes any sense. I'm not ready to bid them adieu and admit that I'm "30-" something. I'm still in that mindset of a fifteen year old where anything over the age of twenty-five sounds so...mature. To me, thirty sounds so much older than twenty nine. Why is this?? It's only 365 days different, the same as any other year in my life! And 30 is NOT old, nor is 40, or...okay, I can't extend this into the 50s just yet. I'll change my tune in fifteen years or so, just not today. Sorry to those of you in the 50+ camp--remember, "mature" not "old."
I've been joking that this is the age I'll be for at least the next five years when someone asks. I'm kidding of course, but I'm not mentally prepared yet to leave my 20s. This means I have one year to go through the grieving process and learn to welcome my 30s with open arms instead of a pouty face.
It would be sort of silly to say that my 20s have been the best decade of my life, since I don't have that many decades to choose from yet. But I do believe that no matter how old I live to be, I will always consider this decade to be the most significant, if not the best.
This was the decade I started out as a college student, unsure of what I wanted to do next weekend let alone when I grew up. It was a time where I came perilously close to quitting school after one year because I couldn't decide which path to take. I am very thankful I came to my senses and pushed through, even though I didn't want to at the time and it was difficult (and flipping expensive). I'll remember this when Charlotte is older, if she ever has doubts about the value of a college education.
This was the decade where I got married. We were young, arguably too young, to be making such a serious decision and commitment. I'll admit that there were times I had doubts about the timing of it, but I never once doubted the person. So we got married the summer before our senior year of college and spent that next year working like crazy to make sure we didn't end up living in a cardboard box. I worked in an office during the day and went to classes at night while he went to class during the day and taught karate lessons at night. We ate a lot of Chicken Helper and hot dogs. We lived in a rental house on campus and regularly found beer bottles and tire tracks from drunken sorority girls in our lawn. Our house was so old and drafty that I would come home for lunch in the afternoon and find Chad doing homework wearing gloves and a scarf, eating soup laced with hot sauce to help keep himself warm. I look back at that time with a smile and a laugh, and with a heart full of thankfulness that our circumstances have changed.
This was the decade we got Henry. He taught me what it's like to have a dog who truly is a best friend, a soulmate. He also taught me what it's like to see a friend through to the end of their life and that saying goodbye might mean losing their physical presence but never their spirit.
This was the decade I learned how to work--not just in a job, but a profession. I learned what it's like to work for the worst boss you can possibly imagine to what it feels like to work for an agency that exists for the sole purpose of making the lives of others better. I learned that choosing a job for the type of people you'll work for and the mission of the company is a far better option than picking the job with the great salary and accelerated promotion track. I learned how to work with all types of people and personalities and how to get ahead without holding anyone else back, when to speak up and when to shut up. I also learned that there's a way to handle every situation with respect, empathy, and fairness and that firing someone, no matter what the reason, should always ruin your day. If those decisions ever come easily, you shouldn't be making them.
This was the decade where I learned what failure and disappointment truly mean. My mid-20s had a perpetual shadow cast over them marked by the one thing I kept failing at but was left powerless to fix: having a baby. It was a time where I learned that life can deal some pretty hard blows and that people you love can be stolen away. Pregnancies can fail, people you know can take their own lives, and your closest friends can lose their spouses, one by divorce and the other by death. It seemed like an age where we should have been shielded from that kind of pain, but there's never a shield. I kind of gloss over ages 25 and 26; they were really difficult and I would not repeat them, and if given the chance, I would forget them.
This was the decade where Chad and I took advantage of our hard work and the fact that we'd made adult decisions for much of our youth and traveled. We went to England and Canada, and Chad got to visit Ireland. We took trips to Florida, Vermont, and the Great Smoky Mountains in Tennessee. We cruised through the southern Caribbean islands and went to the Bahamas. We visited coastal New England and Deep Creek Lake in Maryland, twice. Most recently, we took a cruise through the inside passage of Alaska and got to visit Seattle. I'm glad we did things like this when we had more free time and spending money. We still want to do plenty of traveling with Charlotte, but these trips gave us really important "us" time and fabulous memories (and photos).
This was the decade where I finally, finally saw a second line on the most important test of my life. It was a time where all that got me through those first couple months was hope, positive thinking and a lot of nausea. It was a time where I saw my body change every day, expanding to accommodate the life growing inside. A time where I lived in a near constant state of disbelief, happiness, and feeling like I'd been hit by a truck. It was a time where fear finally gave way to excitement and a total feeling of readiness to become a parent. It was the time where I met my firstborn, a moment that could never be described no matter how long I sit here and try to. It was when I felt like my heart could literally burst with love and everything in my life, everything, had a purpose the moment she was born.
The way I see it, I don't know how another decade of life could top the significance of this one, which is why I will feel a little more bitter than sweet when I leave it. It's like I'm watching my 20s get on the bus to go to Kindergarten. I'm waving goodbye and smiling, but inside I kind of want to bawl. But on the other hand, Kindergarten is just the beginning. It's the most significant, since it marks the start of your education, which is necessary before you can have the start of your career, your future, your life. I think we all look back on Kindergarten fondly, but I don't think most people, when asked which grade was their favorite, insist that it was Kindergarten...right? Time will tell, and until it does, I will do my best to make my 29th year a wonderfully memorable one and ready myself to enter my 30s with an open mind and heart.
So, long story short, happy birthday to me. Let's eat some cake.
~Stacy
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