How do you sum up a decade? Especially a decade full of so much change that I can't even wrap my mind around it? But alas, I'm going to try. So buckle in folks, and maybe go grab a cup of coffee and a muffin. 'Tis going to be a long one...
I've been thinking a lot about time lately--specifically, the passage of time. I won't wax poetic about how time flies or any of that stuff; we all know that. At least anyone over the age of say, 25, knows it and has probably wished they had a pause button for life on many occasions. I think about the past and future more whenever there's a new year and I have birthday, which occur around the same time. This year is different though since I'm ending a decade and starting a new one--one that up until about three minutes ago sounded horrifying.
Thirty.
I'll be in my
thirties. In just over 24 hours I won't ever be able to say I'm twenty-something anymore.
It. Is. So. Weird.
My sixteen year old self thinks I'm a dinosaur. She can't even comprehend thirty, let alone anything after it. When you're that young, any age beyond twenty-one sounds silly--it's just a random, meaningless number. At sixteen, you will never be old. You are invincible.
When I look back and try to think of the specific things I did and experienced (good and bad), it's harder than I expected. Perhaps this is because trying to recapture a decade in one sitting year by year is a little daunting, or perhaps it's because my sixteen year old self was
right: I'm old and losing my memory. I cannot recall the majority of my banking passwords but ask me to tell you where I sat in tenth grade chemistry class and I've got it. Thanks brain, for filing away the most useless nonsense as "critical" and actually important information, like my ATM pin, as "irrelevant."
In the past ten years, my favorite age was 27. The worst was 26. It was a weird two year period, to say the least. The first half of 2010 was mostly awful and could disappear from time completely and I would neither notice nor care--kind of like seventh grade. It was life changing but not in a really good way-- at least, not good at the time. Things turned around dramatically in 2011, when I got the greatest gift of my entire life: Charlotte. Becoming a mother shaped who I became this decade, the person I am now, more than any of the other things combined, and in such wonderful ways.
I don't know that there will be a decade of more change than my twenties. I'm not saying there won't be a decade that is better that my twenties, but it's hard to think of a way my life, personality, values, everything could change more than it did these past ten years. Going from ten to twenty and then twenty to thirty are decades that are full of incredible growth and change--physically, emotionally, everything. I can't help but think that no other decade can hold such all consuming change from beginning to end. Does a person really become, in most aspects, a new person from fifty to sixty, for example? I'll find out when I get there, I suppose. I hope.
I am at an age where pretty much all of my friends are married or have been married. Many have at least one child, and more and more of them have at least two. College is a fond memory and high school is a past life. Almost all of us have lived on our own for at least a decade, many in other states. Some of us have kids in school, kids who are approaching the ages we were when we met. Our parents have become grandparents, some many times over.
At the end of this next decade I will be about to turn 40. I will have a daughter who is months away from being a teenager. Just writing those words makes me shudder. Like my sixteen year old self back in the year 2000 thinking about one day being thirty, I simply can't imagine it.
I've learned a thing or two about the importance of friendships--quality over quantity, and that making an effort is always worth it. I've learned that sometimes terrible things happen to wonderful people and that when it does, time still marches on in a way that is both cruel and comforting. I've learned that being optimistic and trying to find the bright side isn't naive--it's necessary. I've learned how to be a better friend, how to work for things I want, and to go a little easier on people. There's value to giving the benefit of the doubt and people are people, including me.
Over the past ten years I've had five jobs, four addresses, three cars, two dogs and one home. I've walked down the aisles of my own wedding and weddings of dear friends. I graduated college after coming perilously close to quitting after my first year. I found a wonderful place to work, which quickly grew from a job to a career. I've taken trips--some memorable for how fantastic they were and others memorable for the opposite (I'm looking at you, Bahamas cruise. Turns out you should not ever take a three-day cruise to the Bahamas unless you are only interested in getting fall-over drunk the whole time. Or unless you want to listen to the dude next door heaving his dinner all night long after getting fall-over drunk). I became a wife, a graduate, an employee, a boss, a parent.
I don't know what the next decade has in store for me. I don't know what tomorrow has in store for me (though several episodes of Curious George is safe bet). If I had to predict the decade ahead at twenty I really don't know what I would have said. I'm sure I would have gotten some of it right (like marrying Chad. I have a hard time making decisions but I've always been sure about that boy) but there are many other things I never would have guessed. I would never have guessed that I'd try a career in retail management right out of college. To say I hated that job would be a gross understatement, a decision made just a few short months into working 55-60 hours per week and therefore making the attractive starting salary barely equate to minimum wage once I broke it down per hour. I sat down with my assigned "mentor" and was told that working there required necessary sacrifices, like missing my wedding anniversary or future child's birthday party. I ran as fast as I could before planograms and end cap displays could devour my soul.
I would not have predicted that I would end up with a career in Human Resources. I definitely would not have predicted that I'd end up learning how to sew, let alone loving it and turning it into a hobby I'm passionate about. I wouldn't have predicted I'd come to enjoy coffee, broccoli, or strawberries. I wouldn't have predicted I'd live in a 100 year old house or find folding laundry weirdly enjoyable. I figured I would never read the Harry Potter series or see Star Wars. So I got something right-- I still haven't seen Star Wars. I predicted I'd have a baby at 27, but I never predicted that it would not come easily. I thought for sure my future child would be a boy. I assumed I would always enjoy snow and that I would grow to love gardening-- no and no, as it turns out. I never thought I would want to be a stay at home mom and I certainly never predicted how much I could love another person from literally the second she was born.
So predictions for this new decade? I don't have any right now. But it starts with cake and a toast: to thirty. :)
~Stacy
