Now, my relationship with Black Friday is kind of weird. Even though I hate everything about the idea of going out shopping on that day (and any day after it up until Christmas), I still look forward to it. I get a newspaper the day before that weighs more than a box of phonebooks, bursting with ads. I love me some Black Friday ads, even the ones for stores I don't shop normally shop at. Maybe Black Friday signals the official start of the Christmas season. After all, that is the weekend we usually decorate and hang lights. But even though I devour the ads, I don't go to any of the stores. I refuse. I cannot bring myself to care about buying anything enough to get up while it's still dark outside, drive to a mall or store, deal with unruly crowds of people, wait in ridiculously long lines, and tolerate parking lots and traffic on Black Friday.
One reason I feel so strongly about this stems from the Black Friday of 2007. Chad and I had Thanksgiving dinner at my parents house and, while were there, combed through all the ads. We found some spectacular deals on things Chad wanted and some gift ideas for a few people. We decided we'd get up early the next morning and head out. It'll be an adventure! we thought. We'll get everything on our list and then have a nice relaxing breakfast after! Fools. Five years later and I'm still shaking my head.
We woke up the next morning at 4:00--the first store we wanted to go to opened at 5AM and we knew there'd be limited quantities of the things on our list since it's one of those places that normally stocks closeout deals. I'll withhold the real name of the store, but for the sake of the story we'll call it Jolly's. At Jolly's we were looking for a few Nintendo Wii games, a cordless electric razor, and something else that I can't even remember now. We drove there, bleary-eyed and caffeine-deprived, and arrived in the dark. We had Henry at the time and he was glaring at us from the back seat, disgusted at the whole situation. It took a lot to disgust Henry. He willingly ate frogs for Heaven's sake.
Once inside I was shocked at the amount of people there. I worked my way through the crowd to the video game section. Nothing. I asked a clerk if they'd sold out. "Yeah, we only had 4 in stock so we sold out right away," he replied. "Four different titles?" I asked. "No. Four total," he said. ...Crickets... I went in search of Chad, after playing a rousing game of Marco Polo to find him. He was looking at the razors with a puzzled look on his face. "Is that the one you're looking for?" I asked. He said it was, but there was a problem. Apparently there was a misprint in the ad, because the box of the razor clearly declared "Corded razor", not "cordless." Just a few letters makes all the difference when you're trying to buy a safe electric razor for your blind grandfather to use. Strike two.
We wandered over to the tools/automotive section, figuring we'd get some things for my dad or at least a few stocking stuffers. A few seconds later Chad was stopped by a woman who either thought A) he worked there or B) he was nice (one of those is accurate) and proceeded to ask him about flashlight technology and recommendations for the next 20 minutes. When finished, we left as fast as we could. You'd think we would have thrown in the towel and headed home, but no, we soldiered on. Off to Target we went!
I love Target. I shop there quite a lot. I should never shop there on Black Friday. When we first walked in the store, it didn't seem too bad. The total lack of available shopping carts should have been a clue that trouble was lurking, but we ignored that small but important sign. We walked back to the Christmas light section and picked up a few boxes at 60% off. Woo hoo! The line was long--it extended all the way down to the makeup aisles. But all the registers were open so I figured it wouldn't be too bad, right? I got in line, only to have a crabby old bat a lovely older shopper grab my arm and point to her cart saying she'd been waiting in line over an hour and the back of line was back there, where she pointed to the back of the store. Yep, the line actually wrapped around the aisles and ended up back in the toy department. Not only did this mean that, unless I was purchasing an end to world hunger, there would be NO way I was standing in a line that long, but it also meant that a significant portion of that line would be spent in the toy department on Black Friday--aka A Special Circle of Hell.
I think Chad could tell that I was about 4.5 seconds away from ending up on the news, and no, not for my heroic acts of kindness. He gently removed the Christmas light boxes from my hands, placed them on a shelf, and we calmly left the store, drove home, carried our weary looking dog upstairs, and went back to bed until 10AM, vowing to never ever ever again ever go out shopping on Black Friday. Ever.
I still appreciate a good deal, but now I enjoy my Black Friday shopping (and really most of my holiday shopping) from the comfort of my couch, wearing pajamas, while I sip coffee and eat Thanksgiving leftovers and lounge by the fire. The only waiting I have to do is for a web page to load, or to update my virtual cart. I click my way through my holiday shopping and let UPS or FedEx handle the traffic. The only work I have to do is open the boxes that arrive on my doorstep and wrap them. I'll take it.
Howard's got the right idea.
Have a fabulous week.
~Stacy
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